THIS JUST IN: men need to drive Dodge Chargers because they are constantly emasculated in their daily lives by having to do the following things:

  1. cleaning up after themselves
  2. going to work
  3. talking to their girlfriends
  4. watching True Blood
  5. shaving
  6. putting their underwear in the hamper

Sorry, all men everywhere, I didn’t realize I was cramping your style by expecting you to be a reasonably neat person who helps with household duties and works a job and stuff. I know cleaning is for ladies and all but I don’t think it’s really killing you to have to clean out the sink after you shave. I can’t even imagine what driving a Hyundai might to do your manhood. Or worse…a Yaris. Good thing Dodge is there to help you figure out your sexual identity. I mean, thank god.

-Melissa

ps viva beards