Check out this great article by Lisa Hix on the Collectors Weekly web site, Our Bodies, Our Stilettos. Did you know that “initially, high-heeled shoes helped keep women, who were seen as irrational and frivolous, powerless”? Thank you for this wonderful historical context. Personally, I can’t deal with high heels, let alone stilettos, because
1. I like to walk fast — as fast as men, and if they’re really slow bastards, faster.
2. Sometimes I need to run for a bus, and I’d really rather not be hobbled, stupid-looking, and injured doing that.
3. I’m totally hot without them.
4. I dislike “Sex and the City” and do not want to pay it homage.
5. I find that high heels are modern-day torture devices for women.
I’m not gonna tell anyone else to wear or do, but short girls, I really don’t believe you when you say you have to wear them because you’re short.
You know how self-help gurus, Oprah, and basically any teen magazine will advise you to, in moments of insecurity and lags of confidence, look at yourself in the mirror and reaffirm all the things you love about yourself?
Well, my roommate passed a YouTube video to me of a little toddler doing just that while standing on her bathroom sink. Check it out:
What first was a sweet, adorable video gave me an idea. The next day, standing in front of our medicine cabinet mirror waiting for the shower to warm up, I took a breath and started listing off all the things I like, a la little Jessica: “I like my friends! I like my family! I like my eyes! I like my legs! I like my sense of humor! I like San Francisco! I like my dog! I like my apartment! I like my hair!”
I laughed at how goofy I was being, but amazed at how GOOD I felt. Later, I confessed the ritual to the friend who initially showed me the video, and she broke into laughter, admitting she did the exact same thing just hours earlier!
So, go. Do it. Look at yourself in the mirror and, like Jessica, list off everything you like, even if it is simply “my haircuts” and “my pajamas.” It’s always nice to remember the little things, after all.
Yesterday I realized that I am a Susan Boyle in a world of Heidi Montags.
Singer Susan Boyle's decidedly plain appearance has gotten just as much attention as her beautiful voice.
Let me explain. After having 2009’s best-selling album, Susan Boyle has been heralded as much for her glorious voice as she has been scrutinized for her plain, frumpy appearance. Media attention has been as focused on her outward makeup as on her inner gift.
Meanwhile, reality television star Heidi Montag just had 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day in order to compete in what she admits is a superficial industry. The procedures included a brow lift, pinning her ears back, breast augmentation, fat injections in the cheeks and lips, chin reduction, neck liposuction, liposuction of waist and thighs, and a buttocks augmentation. Heidi has stated that she wanted to uncover her “best self,” but has since appeared on the covers of magazines and been the subject of articles and blogs all wondering the same things: Is she obsessed? Is she addicted to plastic surgery? Even Heidi’s own mother is reportedly “horrified.”
When Susan Boyle was laughed at prior to the triumph of her voice, I wanted to hug her and reassure her that she was worthy and beautiful. Likewise, part of me just wants to hug Heidi and tell her to trust that she is a beautiful, worthy young woman regardless of the size of her thighs and the sales numbers of her own album, “Superficial,” which was a resounding flop. I cannot imagine the pressure Heidi Montag must feel to look a certain way, but I wonder: isn’t she part of the problem by giving in?
I am very aware that Heidi is an adult who is allowed to make choices about her body. But I’m angry at her and her willingness to “sell out” so drastically because, quite honestly, it makes it harder for all of us. There are so many Susan Boyles that are talented in their own right, but who are never going to get their chance to shine because they don’t fit into our tiny mold of what is considered beautiful. Am I blaming the victim by being even a little bit pissed off by Heidi’s decision to so drastically change her appearance? If blame can be assigned, who is responsible?
Heidi Montag in high school, left, and today, barely recognizable after multiple plastic surgery procedures.
Ultimately, who gets to decide where a healthy line of reason gets drawn on the subject of plastic surgery and other beauty procedures? The first person to benefit from plastic surgery was a sailor in World War I who suffered from disfiguring facial injuries and underwent a successful skin graft. Jump forward to 2006 when nearly 11 million cosmetic plastic surgery procedures were performed in the United States alone. Haven’t we all seen women who have that now familiar pulled look on their face that signals she got “something done”– and often that something is to ridiculous extremes. Just as Heidi had her ears pinned back, I get manicures and get my brows waxed. Most of us have been there to some extent and we can all relate, but what are our limits?
I think that our boundaries have all but disintegrated in a beauty-at-all-costs/media-obsessed world where everyone ends up being judged harshly and unfairly. Yesterday while in line at the grocery store, I picked up a copy of the Weight Watchers magazine. The man waiting behind me commented loudly and in my direction, “Well, THAT makes sense.” I am a 280-pound woman and apparently this gentleman felt it appropriate to comment on my choice of reading material. I’m not a celebrity, but as a fat woman in a thin-obsessed world, I am always on display as the example of what you are not supposed to be.
Let’s face it: in this world, we are all under scrutiny. I would challenge us all to take a more gentle and loving look at both ourselves and the women around us. Until we stop judging ourselves, how can we expect others to do the same?
I can’t lie. Part of me would love to look like Heidi Montag, but genetics did not hand me that card. However, I am talented, confident, kind, smart, compassionate, funny, cute, loyal and loving. I am a Susan Boyle in a world dominated by Heidi Montags… and I’m perfectly OK with that! I wish Heidi Montag the same peace of mind.
Right now, Karen has a scalpel to her face, and went under anesthesia thinking “When I wake up, I’ll be beautiful.” She’s deeply unconscious, and probably pretty bloody, as the well-reputed and trusted female cosmetic surgeon performs her “art”. She will receive an untold number of stitches and will be bruised for at least two weeks.
Karen*, who is in her early 60s, is my friend Sara’s* mother. Because Sara was my best friend growing up, it’s like Karen is my own mom. I grew up going to her house every day after school, and I saw and hugged her at her daughter’s graduations and wedding. I almost can’t bare the thought that she would want to change her face. Sara is, simply, distraught.
Karen’s face is one of the faces that has a permanent place in my mind, an unchanging, perfect face, just because it’s hers. I can’t even determine whether it is beautiful or not beautiful to others. Today she is choosing to change that face, and I really don’t understand her decision to be on the operating table today.
But really, this isn’t about what I think. I’m writing this piece about, and for, her daughter — my friend — Sara.
When Sara called me, crying, a few weeks ago, to tell me that her mom had her surgery date set for a facelift and eye lift, I felt a shocking jolt in my body. “I’m so disappointed in her,” Sara sobbed. “I mean, she always was my feminist mom. She was always telling me that my looks weren’t as important as my smarts. She’s so smart. She taught me to fight inequality. And then she goes and does THIS… it’s the ultimate ‘giving in’ to our messed-up culture.”
Sara went on, “And what if my mom dies in surgery, and I lose her because of this horrible choice she made? I’m not sure I could forgive her.”
Sara went on to tell me how alone she felt, how crazy she felt, in comparison with Karen’s friends, most of whom had already had “work” done, and are planning to help Karen recover. As if this is a routine thing, a rite of passage for the older generation. Will we, women in our early 30s, give in too?
Sara told me that she knows she’s made plenty of choices her mother didn’t agree with, but Karen supported her anyway, even if it was painful for her. So Sara knows it’s time to be a grownup, to vehemently disagree with but also support Karen’s decision, just because Karen is her mother and she is connected to her and loves her.
Sara asked me how I felt about Karen’s choice, as someone who would understand her feelings because of the work I do with About-Face, and as someone who loves Karen. I said that every day, I see at least one article, TV clip, or magazine cover about someone getting, or who has had, cosmetic surgery. It’s Heidi Montag getting 10 procedures in one day. It’s someone on Nip/Tuck. It’s Kanye West’s mom. It’s everywhere, and it starts to seem like “everyone’s doing it.” It’s become normal.
Except when it’s Karen. Or your own mom. For Sara, it’s especially painful when it’s someone you love who asks for your help recovering — who won’t be able to get to the bathroom herself, can’t be seen in public so she needs you to go to the store for her. Needs you to feed her for the first few days. Needs you to read to her because she can’t see due to eyelid surgery bandages. Needs you to be there when she changes her bandages the first time.
It’s one thing when someone had to have surgery to remove an infected appendix, or a hysterectomy to remove a cancerous uterus, or even cosmetic surgery to remedy facial disfigurement in a car accident. Or even breast reduction surgery due to persistent back pain. It’s another thing when it’s a pure choice, on an otherwise perfect face.
We’re told, and I imagine, that Karen will wake up slowly, swimming upward, to the surface of her consciousness, with her best friend there to greet her. Sara can’t be there because she knows she will cry uncontrollably if she sees her mother that way. Karen’s friend will call Sara to tell her everything’s OK.
But I’m not sure Sara will really feel that it is OK, when thousands more women (mostly white) are undergoing surgery today, for the sake of striving to finally, finally (or once again) be a certain kind of beautiful.
The other day my friend and I were flipping through a recent Cosmopolitan magazine, and I was shocked by the comments coming out of my mouth:
“She’s so skinny!”
“Ew, what is she wearing?!”
“Her eyes look weird!”
With these exclamations,I was actually morphing into the person I despise–the person I imagine beauty magazines make you become: she who judges other women.
Magazines seem to always pit woman against woman, or at least encourage it. “Who Wore it Best?” articles in some publications call on readers to vote on which woman celebrity looks better in identical outfits.
Other magazines regularly ask readers to vote thumbs up or down on a celeb’s look—like, “Are these stripes flattering on Kim?” and “Does Eva Look Hot or Boring?”.
Around Oscar season, some magazines completely dedicate issues to Best and Worst Dressed lists, where we scrutinize the dresses and accessories famous women have worn.
It doesn’t stop with magazines. Reality shows, soap operas, romantic comedies–even kids’ movies (think the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen franchise)–often idealize competition between women, usually over men.
In shows like The Bachelor, Gossip Girl, and The Hills, there always seems to be an immediate enemy inherent in any other woman–often over a prospective boyfriend.
The Bachelor popularized reality shows in which many women compete against each other for one man's attention
But as my friend and I were scrutinizing the obviously-airbrushed Cosmo cover model, I was appalled by the other comments coming out of my mouth: hateful comments about the actress herself.
What was first a critique of the model’s impossibly clear under-eye area and unnatural waistline (thank you, Photoshop) became critiques of her eyebrows, her hair, and even what she said in her interview.
We should not only strive to resist becoming influenced by media messages, but resist becoming the women who judge one another, who compete with one another, who rip on one another’s hairstyles and career choices, and who compete for the opposite sex.
And sure, maybe certain actresses themselves share different values than we, and perhaps the women on The Bachelor DO need to chill out with all the competition over one guy.
But that still doesn’t permit us to pass nasty judgment about anybody. Because what starts as a simple vote on who looks better can easily translate into real life. And who wants to become that woman?
I stumbled across the Media That Matters Film Festival web site while randomly searching for documentaries online. After browsing through the taglines of numerous films on the site, one description immediately intrigued me:
“What’s your ethnic make-up?” A young man makes a pass at a beautiful stranger and gets an eye-opening schooling on race and gender.
I was impressed and touched by each of the short films I viewed on the site, but Slip of the Tongue (2005) especially stood out because it hit very close to home.
“What’s your ethnicity?” “What’s your ethnic background?” “Where are your parents from?” “Where are you from?” “What are you?”
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked these questions, I would not have to worry about paying off my college loans. Believe it or not, these are the questions most people have asked me upon meeting me for my entire life.
I understand that I’m asked out of curiosity, and I often wonder similar things about other people. But I’d like to explain that a question like “What’s your ethnic make-up?” is much more loaded when the person you are asking is a young, brown, American woman.
We may feel very proud of our heritages, but that doesn’t mean we want to be immediately defined by them. That kind of classification, especially for women and especially in the context of being hit on, feels like the all too familiar fetishization of the “exotic” woman: mysteriously beautiful, yet ultimately the strange “other”–a spectacle and a sexualized object.
The girl in the story is not necessarily mixed-race, but she still lies in the spectrum of ethnic ambiguity. Once plagued by the beauty standards that all American women face, made even more unattainable to women of color, she now explains the connections between not only race, but also imperialism, globalization, and capitalism within the conventional beauty ideals.
Like Sophie in the video “Beauty is Not How Skinny You Can Be!”, the girl in “Slip of the Tongue” reminds us that we are unique individuals. We should learn to embrace our natural beauty because our genes carry the rich history of our ancestors.
Beauty standards are simply trends marketed to make money for cosmetic industries. Covering up or altering our natural appearances to fit subjective beauty standards is, in a way, denying our ethnic roots and diverse forms of beauty.
What are your thoughts on the video and the issues it brings up?
Charlotte on her way to a baby shower in Sex and the City
I’m really excited to be attending my cousin’s baby shower this month, but I thought it was incredibly odd when my aunt told me that men don’t come; showers are for women only. How “normal” is it to have women-only baby showers? According to popular media, it’s the way baby showers are done. No men. Additionally, the way in which showers are discussed can highlight the stereotypical disdain men sometimes have when considering baby showers.
Take, for instance, an episode toward the end of season four of Friends. Monica and Rachel decide to host a baby shower for Phoebe, and when Joey hears about the party he states, “Baby shower? That so doesn’t sound like something I want to do.”
Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe after Rachel’s women-only baby shower on Friends.
Joey is noting that it seems like an incredibly boring event, especially when compared to the bachelor party he’s planning. Even though Phoebe is one of his best friends and will be giving birth, this celebration is something he would prefer to miss. Of course, later in the episode the shower is depicted with only women in attendance – no men.
Fast forward a few years to season eight of Friends when Rachel is pregnant. Monica and Phoebe host a baby shower, and again, no men attend. Ross, the father of the baby, comes into the apartment after the guests have left, looks around at all the gifts, and says, “Looks like we got a lot of good stuff.” He states this even though he did not attend or participate in the shower celebrating the future birth of his and Rachel’s daughter.
In season one of Sex and the City, Charlotte takes a brand name (of course) baby basket to a friend’s shower as a gift. All the shower attendees are women, although Miranda, Samantha, and Carrie aren’t overly enthused to be there. In season four, Steve is not present at Miranda’s baby shower even though he would be using most of the baby gifts, too.
Miranda (center), reluctantly attends the women-only baby shower in her honor in an episode of Sex and the City
Some baby shower web sites, such as babyshower101.com and baby-shower.com, recognize that while showers are traditionally for women only, there has been an increase in men’s attendance. I wonder if this shift in attendance and participation possibly reflects a more equitable arrangement regarding families.
With all these depictions of women-only baby showers, is popular media just keeping with tradition? If so, does that perpetuate sexist stereotypes that only women are expected to be responsible for raising children, or is it empowering for women to share experiences regarding childbirth and motherhood amongst themselves? If you were to host a baby shower with feminist values, what would you do?
–Katherine B.
Katherine Broendel holds a master’s degree in public communication from American University in Washington, D.C. Her thesis focused on the framing of sexual violence in the media. Broendel’s professional experience includes work at various nonprofit organizations including AAUW; the National Geographic Society; Amnesty International, USA; and Defenders of Wildlife.
While trying to figure out how to top my costume from last year (I dressed up as M.I.A., and yes, I did look pretty fly), I’m reminded of Halloween’s uniform for young women: the “slut”. The 2004 movie Mean Girls said it best:
Mean Girls describes, but doesn’t explain, this Halloween phenomenon. Why do girls care so much about looking sexy? What do they hope to achieve by dressing provocatively? And why do they feel the need to conform to such a narrow model of expressing their sexuality? After doing some critical research and cultural analysis, I decided to attempt to explain just why girls are so gung-ho on dressing up like “hos” on Halloween.
Our culture simultaneously shames and rewards female sexuality, so it makes sense that girls grow up having very conflicted feelings and ideas. Nothing is inherently wrong with a young woman wanting to feel sexy. However, looking like a Playboy Bunny is only one of an infinite number of ways to achieve that feeling. We can dress up as anything on Halloween (or any other day) to express our unique talents, interests, personalities, senses of humor, strengths, etc.—so why do so many of us just choose to be “sexy” for Halloween?
Typical army costumes for women, teens, and girls. I'm pretty sure none of these was designed for combat.
Dressing as stereotypical eye candy has strong cultural implications, and enough young women do so on Halloween that it has become expected. However, when a female chooses to present herself in this stereotypically sexy way, she’s also making an important statement that she might not have considered before going out dressed in what is essentially lingerie: “I am content to be seen as just an object—not a full human being.”
We would like to believe we have achieved sexual liberation and gender equality; we have not. But maybe by focusing on our abilities to dress provocatively, it’s easier to forget the opportunities and rights that we still lack, the violence and discrimination we constantly face.
Ariel Levy discusses this idea, as well as what she refers to as “the rise of raunch culture”, in her book Female Chauvinist Pigs (which I highly recommend). Levy argues:
The proposition that having the most simplistic, plastic stereotypes of female sexuality constantly reiterated throughout our culture somehow proves that we are sexually liberated and personally empowered has been offered to us, and we have accepted it. But if we think about it, we know this just doesn’t make any sense. It’s time to stop nodding and smiling uncomfortably as we ignore the crazy feeling in our heads and admit that the emperor has no clothes. (p197)
Levy also asserts that, these days, women have three options:
1. To act “like a man” (a male chauvinist, in particular)
2. To embody “the most simplistic, plastic stereotypes of female sexuality constantly reiterated throughout our culture” (p197)
3. Do neither 1 nor 2, and be considered a prude or an uptight feminist
None of these options seem too appealing, but only the last one can really get us out of this bind. While the first two options might grant a woman shorter-term, individual success, they also perpetuate sexism and misogyny in our culture (hence the term “Female Chauvinist Pigs”).
Girls learn early that their looks count, often much more than their intelligence, personality, or talents. Cultural messages reinforce the idea that, to be successful, we need to be a particular type of sexy and attractive. I want young women, when they are mature enough, to really own their unique sexualities. But I don’t want our sex appeal to be our sole means of getting attention, status, or money, because ultimately, it doesn’t lead to gaining respect or better rights.
Do what makes you feel happy and confident, but ask yourself who you are being sexy for, why, and if you need to look like a Maxim model to feel that way. And remember that your sexuality is part of you, but it’s not the only part.
If you can dress up any way you want to on this holiday, do you really want to hit the default button and look like just another clone? Or do you want to express yourself (and your sexiness) in a more unique, authentic way?
A few months ago I was reminiscing about all the TV shows I watched growing up, and I noticed a common theme: a majority of the female lead characters were blonde.
Jem, Sailor Moon, Clarissa, Cher, Lizzie McGuire, Alex Mac, Buffy, and Sabrina
I related to these characters in different ways, depending on my age and their stories, but as both of those factors changed, one factor remained the same throughout all of these shows: the female lead, the character I was to relate to, was always blonde and white, while I remained brunette and brown.
Now, there are plenty of television shows with women who are not blonde on them that I also watched — don’t get me wrong. But I noticed an overwhelming trend toward shows that featured a blonde main lead female character, especially in cases where the show included her inner monologue or narration.
Many of the shows I grew up watching provide just a few examples of the blonde, adolescent protagonist: Jem, Sailor Moon, Clarissa Explains it All, The Secret Life of Alex Mac, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Clueless,Lizzie McGuire, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Shots from Lizzie Mcguire and Buffy
These shows did not all feature characters aimed to attract a male audience sexually — they were mainly shows for girls.
From Lizzie McGuire’s embarrassment and confusion when buying her first bra, to Sabrina’s frequent run-ins with the catty cheerleader Libby Chessler — these characters experienced awkward and challenging situations that girls can often relate to. Many were also admirable, and I looked up to them: I admired Clarissa’s creativity and individuality, as well as Buffy’s courage and strength.
They were likable, and each had her own unique problems on top of adolescence, including pesky little brothers, secret identities, magical powers, radioactivity, and the pressures of saving the universe from demons. But the fact that I related primarily to characters who looked very similar to each other and different from me was problematic.
I think this pattern taught me from a young age that blonde girls and women are the most valued females in our society. They are the most beautiful, special, desirable, and deserving of attention. This sentiment is echoed numerous places in our media environment. I’m not sure how things have changed now, or how they were before my ’90s childhood, but the “blondes are best” experience was mine growing up.
Dora and Kai-Lan bring multi-culturalism and diversity to children's TV
And with television and movies, especially ones aimed toward young girls, there are endless merchandise outlets. I remember owning books, posters, videos, games, and electronic toys related to these shows. But you can also add clothes, backpacks, makeup, dolls, school supplies, and anything else you could imagine to these merchandising options. So not only are these images being seen on TV, but they are also on the shelves and in the possession of their fans. They are everywhere.
I’m starting to see things change a bit now, with more minority females featured as leading characters on kids TV shows such as Dora The Explorer and Ni-Hao Kai-Lan.
But as far as shows for older children and teenagers, my perception is that not much has changed. While ensemble casts may be more ethnically diverse, to me it seems that blondes still dominate the media’s female focus.
Gossip Girl, The Hills, and Heroes
How do you perceive blonde characters vs. characters with darker hair or skin? What kinds of lead female television characters did you look up to when you were growing up? What kinds do you see today or would you like to see today?
Have you noticed that every shampoo commercial looks the same? Or that diet product commercials are everywhere at the beginning of a new year? Comedian Sarah Haskins has. And for the past couple of months, she’s produced TargetWomen, a series on Current TV that hilariously and critically examines the advertising world of women’s products.
Haskins’ critiques are among the most comprehensive and on-point ones I’ve seen of how advertisers target women to sell products. She brilliantly tackles shameless themes that pop up in commercials, like ones that sell frozen food (“It is the woman’s job to feed her family,” she sarcastically says. “Just make sure it satisfies EVERYONE”) and ones that sell yogurt (“Yogurt is the official food of women”). There’s an episode about skin care products, and how their commercials always remind us that we’re aging. There’s also an episode about how cars are marketed to women—“We want cars that say, ‘I’m not a mom, I’m a MILF,’” Haskins says bitingly, alluding to the images of middle-aged women rolling up in their Lincolns with all the gas station attendants staring her down.
Check out this one about women in cleaning product commercials:
Haskins doesn’t let anything in an ad pass her by without mocking it, and she has done an exceptional job of calling out these blatant marketing tactics.
After months of tuning into her series, I’ve noticed that, instead of passively watching T.V. commercials while patiently waiting for my show to return, I’ve become increasingly critical of commercials and their brazen schemes to trick women into feeling they need a product.
Next episode I’d like Haskins to do? One that tackles that “dreadful” feeling women are supposed to feel right as summer starts. Wal-Mart and Nivea are two companies this season I noticed that use that “Uh, oh, summer’s here” theme to convince us we better buy diet products or use cellulite cream. They put skinny actresses in their commercials that either open their top drawers to find their swimsuit lying there, or walk by store windows with bikini-clad mannequins and suddenly have that “it’s that time of year again” moment. Sarah Haskins, I’d love to see you ridicule these guys!
What do you think of Sarah Haskins’ Target Women series? Has she changed the way you watch commercials in between your favorite shows? Let us know in the comments, and let us know what other stale theme you have seen used over and over in commercials!
