You’re reading the About-Face blog, so I’m gonna guess that you’re interested in the various messed-up ways women and girls are portrayed in media, and how it can really damage our self-esteem and self-respect. Well, now there’s a movie about it! It’s the new documentary “America the Beautiful,” and you should really go see it.
The trailer:
I saw the documentary last night in San Francisco, and I almost lost my s*&# watching the editors of Elle Girl and Seventeen magazines talking about how they need to show the thin body ideal only, or they’re “out of a job.” Really — no care for the fact that you are contributing to eating disorders, self-hatred, and general depression in young women? And the answer: No, really, none at all.
And then there’s Gerren, a 12-year-old model whose mother lets her wear next to nothing on the catwalk, but won’t let her wear a bra to school because she doesn’t think it’s appropriate. Through my work with About-Face, I’ve spoken to more moms than I can count who give their daughters the very same mixed messages.
There are just so many pertinent, poignant bits in this film, one being that the whole thing flows really well and nails the problem of our culture’s beauty obsession in a way that no somewhat-smart woman can deny. And two being that it’s an African-American man who made the film and who includes many other African-Americans who truly have something to say.
If you look carefully, you’ll spot two About-Face posters in the film! (I wish About-Face had been around to be in the movie!)
Really, I could go on and on. But I won’t.
Bring your mom, bring your friends, bring your sister. Hey, bring your brother. Cuz guys need to know this stuff too. (Plus there are quite a few bits about men and their body image too.)
“Mommy, does plastic surgery make you look like a different person?” “No, it just makes you look more beautiful than you used to be.”
From my seat next to her, both of us facing the Starbucks storefront, I balked. Her reflection gave her away: tall, thin, with a tightly drawn face and deep-set eyes.
“Don’t you think Mommy looks better now?” she murmured to herself, pulling out a compact mirror and gently reapplying foundation to her cheeks. Her daughters, around ages three and five, were playing rambunctiously among the tables. When her younger daughter tried to take the compact, her mother screeched, “No! Don’t use it! You have a nice complexion. If you use it, it will clog your pores and give you pimples.”
Later, her older daughter asked if she could comb her mother’s hair, which went smoothly until the comb accidentally grazed the woman’s forehead. She shrieked, “Ow! You hateful thing, look what you did! Wow, it’s really deep! You scratched me! It really hurts! Look at my forehead! I’m going to give your sister a present and not you! You’re not getting ice cream tonight!” This was, of course, followed by 7.5 minutes (I kept track) of non-stop preening in the mirror and tending to her forehead, while she sent her daughter to fetch ice water for her.
Now, I am not a parent, nor do I have much of an affinity with children. However, I was stupefied by that woman’s behavior. I recognize that people tend to overhear parents in their worst moments, but it took all the lovingkindness and humility I had not to reprimand that woman (or slap her last facelift clear off!). Her children were outgoing, inquisitive, and un-self-conscious. They were still young enough to prefer their hair wild and unkempt, their clothing rumpled and comfortable. And by projecting her fears of aging and “ugliness” on her daughters, she was normalizing the world of makeup and plastic surgery to girls just learning to read.
From My Beautiful Mommy
Speaking of which, a book called My Beautiful Mommyhas been getting a lot of press lately. The book, aimed at young children, recasts a musclebound plastic surgeon as the fairy godmother for a post-pregnancy mother as she gets a nose job, tummy tuck, and breast implants. The book claims to explain the desire for cosmetic surgery and ease the fears children have of their mothers going under the knife. Here’s the thing though: the kids have the right idea. While “mommy makeovers” (combo tummy tuck and breast augmentation) may be increasingly popular these days, the fact remains that surgery is surgery, elective or not. I was discussing plastic surgery with a friend who has undergone thirteen procedures to correct a cleft palate, and he silenced me during my moral waffling. “After experiencing what I have, imagining people choosing to subject themselves to it seems selfish and stupid.” I mean, I’ve only had my wisdom teeth removed, and that was enough!
I think the idea of a children’s book praising and oversimplifying plastic surgery is dangerous. If a mother chooses to alter her appearance, it should be her responsibility to explain her reasoning to her child — after all, she knows better than a book. Also, let me just say of the title: Who said my mother isn’t absolutely gorgeous exactly as she is?!
Ultimately, sitting there in Starbucks, I said nothing. I felt too young. Instead, I hoped that the girls would develop a healthy sense of rebellion, thanked my stunning mother for raising me, and went back out into the rain.
What would you have done? Would you have felt comfortable saying anything (and if so, what is appropriate to say)? And to what extent did your parents’ ideas about bodies and beauty influence you? I’m really curious to see some responses.
I don’t know about you, but it really annoys me when ’80s cartoon characters are revamped using today’s technology. Take Alvin and the Chipmunks the movie. Modern day technology took the “cuteness” out of Alvin, Simon and Theodore and made them look all real and chipmunk-like. Yah yah, maybe its more “realistic” but I prefer them the 80’s way.
Of course nothing — and I mean nothing — takes the cake (pun intended) after what I saw yesterday. American Greetings has made a new version of Strawberry Shortcake. I’ve got a personal attachment to Ms. Shortcake. After all, I have her old lunchpail and my best friend’s mom called me Strawberry Shortcake for being short. How dare they make this new version of Ms. Shortcake with straight hair, a thinner body, and make-up? She’s more like Strawberry Short Tart! And then we wonder why we see nude pictures of teen idols like Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus. Ms. Nuevo Shortcake is targeted to a whole new generation of young girls. I can see it now. Little girls playing with their Disney Princess Collection dolls, except the threat is no longer a wicked witch, but Strawberry Short Tart threatening to take away their handsome prince and ruin their fairy-tale romance. You think I am exaggerating, but honestly, girls either have dolls that are frail and fragile waiting to be saved to play with or overly sexualized characters like Strawberry Shortcake (gosh, I never thought I’d say that!) or a Bratz doll. So is it any wonder that by the time they are teenagers they want to be sexy?
And what’s the rumour I hear about getting rid of Custard, her beloved cat? Apparently, Custard is being replaced by a cell phone. What?? That’s like making Theodore get rid of his cupcake pan for a machine gun! Okay maybe that is a bit of an exxageration, but Custard is an intregal part of Strawberry’s life (as the cupcake pan is to Theodore’s).
What’s next? I shudder to think.
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It is appalling — yet not surprising at all — that middle and high school girls are sending nude pictures of themselves to their boyfriends. What I wonder is: Who started this trend? Was it Vanessa Hudgens (High School Musical)? Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)? Is it simply a product of technological advances and exhibitionism, as a recent CNN article proposes? Or is it a combination of the two? I’m thinking it’s a combination, supplemented by the fact that girls and women are continually sexualized in today’s media culture and feel that their worth is based on how sexy they are or can be.
Though the show Sex and the City is controversial amongst people who fight for gender equity, I keep thinking about the episode “Hot Child In The City,” in which the character Samantha plans a Bat Mitzvah for an uber-wealthy, Upper East Side girl, Jenny Brier. The girl tries to act “grown-up” by buying Samantha and her friends $100 bottles of alcohol, dressing in tight, high-end clothes, and (this is the appalling part) talking about all the boys she’s either been with or pleasured with oral sex. Samantha, who is at first very envious of Jenny’s fortunes, later realizes that the one thing she had that Jenny Brier and her friends don’t have is a childhood.
And that is the end result of the oversexualization frenzy we are in — the loss of childhood and innocence. There isn’t anything wrong with expressing your sexual desires or feeling sexy, but who and what contributes to healthy sexuality is really in question, as well as the extent to which sexiness defines our self-worth. Girls learn from an early age what is desirable and “hot.” They also learn that “sexiness” is a source of power. Therefore, they become defined — and maybe even define themselves — by it. Generations before the past few had less media exposure and a chance to define their sexuality on their own and probably at a later age.
What do you think about the article? About this latest “trend”? What can we do to stop it? Please share your thoughts with us below.
Courtesy of a tip from Feministing, this ad from Dairy Queen, showing a little girl flirting with a little boy to get him to buy her a hot fudge sundae. Now, maybe my dad would say it’s cute. Or maybe not.
There are so many things wrong here:
1) The little girl seems to know she’s attractive — why else would she assume the boy would buy her a sundae?
2) When the girl says “make it one,” at first I thought it was because she was watching her weight. Is that the advertiser’s intention?
3) An 8-year-old girl is already into courting and flirting. (Not unlike how many of them also know about being “sexy” and “hot”.) Also, she first seals the deal with the boy at the same moment the mother says the word “temptations.” Accident? I think NOT. The advertising agency wrote the script and synchronized it with the commercial’s action.
TAKE YOUR OWN ACTION: I’m gonna go let Dairy Queen know how I feel about this ad that encourages gender stereotypes that encourages girls to be dependent and manipulative. I hope you’ll do the same. Here are some ideas.
Go to this web page to give ‘em a piece of your mind.
If you’re a Dairy Queen customer, don’t go there for a while. (Resist!) Or pull the super-gutsy move: Go to your local Dairy Queen, ask for the manager, and tell him/her that you are not buying anything there because of this ad. Heck, fill out a complaint form while you’re there!
Call DQ Corporate headquarters: (952) 830-0200 (I just checked the number, and yes, a real person answers.)
Write a real, paper letter and send it to:
American Dairy Queen Corporation Headquarters
7505 Metro Blvd
Edina, MN 55439
We hope you’ll let us know whether you took these actions in our comments below, and what the result was.
And then there’s Gerren, a 12-year-old model whose mother lets her wear next to nothing on the catwalk, but won’t let her wear a bra to school because she doesn’t think it’s appropriate. Through my work with About-Face, I’ve spoken to more moms than I can count who give their daughters the very same mixed messages.
