Posts filed under 'beauty'
Right now, Karen has a scalpel to her face, and went under anesthesia thinking “When I wake up, I’ll be beautiful.” She’s deeply unconscious, and probably pretty bloody, as the well-reputed and trusted female cosmetic surgeon performs her “art”. She will receive an untold number of stitches and will be bruised for at least two weeks.
Karen*, who is in her early 60s, is my friend Sara’s* mother. Because Sara was my best friend growing up, it’s like Karen is my own mom. I grew up going to her house every day after school, and I saw and hugged her at her daughter’s graduations and wedding. I almost can’t bare the thought that she would want to change her face. Sara is, simply, distraught.
Karen’s face is one of the faces that has a permanent place in my mind, an unchanging, perfect face, just because it’s hers. I can’t even determine whether it is beautiful or not beautiful to others. Today she is choosing to change that face, and I really don’t understand her decision to be on the operating table today.
But really, this isn’t about what I think. I’m writing this piece about, and for, her daughter — my friend — Sara.
When Sara called me, crying, a few weeks ago, to tell me that her mom had her surgery date set for a facelift and eye lift, I felt a shocking jolt in my body. “I’m so disappointed in her,” Sara sobbed. “I mean, she always was my feminist mom. She was always telling me that my looks weren’t as important as my smarts. She’s so smart. She taught me to fight inequality. And then she goes and does THIS… it’s the ultimate ‘giving in’ to our messed-up culture.”
Sara went on, “And what if my mom dies in surgery, and I lose her because of this horrible choice she made? I’m not sure I could forgive her.”
Sara went on to tell me how alone she felt, how crazy she felt, in comparison with Karen’s friends, most of whom had already had “work” done, and are planning to help Karen recover. As if this is a routine thing, a rite of passage for the older generation. Will we, women in our early 30s, give in too?
Sara told me that she knows she’s made plenty of choices her mother didn’t agree with, but Karen supported her anyway, even if it was painful for her. So Sara knows it’s time to be a grownup, to vehemently disagree with but also support Karen’s decision, just because Karen is her mother and she is connected to her and loves her.
Sara asked me how I felt about Karen’s choice, as someone who would understand her feelings because of the work I do with About-Face, and as someone who loves Karen. I said that every day, I see at least one article, TV clip, or magazine cover about someone getting, or who has had, cosmetic surgery. It’s Heidi Montag getting 10 procedures in one day. It’s someone on Nip/Tuck. It’s Kanye West’s mom. It’s everywhere, and it starts to seem like “everyone’s doing it.” It’s become normal.
Except when it’s Karen. Or your own mom. For Sara, it’s especially painful when it’s someone you love who asks for your help recovering — who won’t be able to get to the bathroom herself, can’t be seen in public so she needs you to go to the store for her. Needs you to feed her for the first few days. Needs you to read to her because she can’t see due to eyelid surgery bandages. Needs you to be there when she changes her bandages the first time.
It’s one thing when someone had to have surgery to remove an infected appendix, or a hysterectomy to remove a cancerous uterus, or even cosmetic surgery to remedy facial disfigurement in a car accident. Or even breast reduction surgery due to persistent back pain. It’s another thing when it’s a pure choice, on an otherwise perfect face.
We’re told, and I imagine, that Karen will wake up slowly, swimming upward, to the surface of her consciousness, with her best friend there to greet her. Sara can’t be there because she knows she will cry uncontrollably if she sees her mother that way. Karen’s friend will call Sara to tell her everything’s OK.
But I’m not sure Sara will really feel that it is OK, when thousands more women (mostly white) are undergoing surgery today, for the sake of striving to finally, finally (or once again) be a certain kind of beautiful.
– Jennifer
* Names have been changed for privacy reasons.
February 3rd, 2010
The other day my friend and I were flipping through a recent Cosmopolitan magazine, and I was shocked by the comments coming out of my mouth:
“She’s so skinny!”
“Ew, what is she wearing?!”
“Her eyes look weird!”
With these exclamations, I was actually morphing into the person I despise–the person I imagine beauty magazines make you become: she who judges other women.
Magazines seem to always pit woman against woman, or at least encourage it. “Who Wore it Best?” articles in some publications call on readers to vote on which woman celebrity looks better in identical outfits.
Other magazines regularly ask readers to vote thumbs up or down on a celeb’s look—like, “Are these stripes flattering on Kim?” and “Does Eva Look Hot or Boring?”.
Around Oscar season, some magazines completely dedicate issues to Best and Worst Dressed lists, where we scrutinize the dresses and accessories famous women have worn.
It doesn’t stop with magazines. Reality shows, soap operas, romantic comedies–even kids’ movies (think the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen franchise)–often idealize competition between women, usually over men.
In shows like The Bachelor, Gossip Girl, and The Hills, there always seems to be an immediate enemy inherent in any other woman–often over a prospective boyfriend.
The Bachelor popularized reality shows in which many women compete against each other for one man's attention
Thanks to About-Face, I—and perhaps you as well—have become more conscious of beauty magazine Photoshopping, the ways advertisements objectify women, and portrayals of women on TV. I have learned to resist these universal practices.
But as my friend and I were scrutinizing the obviously-airbrushed Cosmo cover model, I was appalled by the other comments coming out of my mouth: hateful comments about the actress herself.
What was first a critique of the model’s impossibly clear under-eye area and unnatural waistline (thank you, Photoshop) became critiques of her eyebrows, her hair, and even what she said in her interview.
We should not only strive to resist becoming influenced by media messages, but resist becoming the women who judge one another, who compete with one another, who rip on one another’s hairstyles and career choices, and who compete for the opposite sex.
And sure, maybe certain actresses themselves share different values than we, and perhaps the women on The Bachelor DO need to chill out with all the competition over one guy.
But that still doesn’t permit us to pass nasty judgment about anybody. Because what starts as a simple vote on who looks better can easily translate into real life. And who wants to become that woman?
–Kate
January 14th, 2010
A previous version of this blog was originally posted at tallanna.com.
Naked and un-airbrushed Jennifer Hawkins on the cover of Australian Marie Claire
In 2009, a light bulb turned on. (I sure hope it was a CFL.) Someone in mainstream media — new or old, internationally or nationally — an editor, an assistant, maybe it was a PR rep, realized that “Oh hey! Not everyone is a size 2, huh? All the other ‘beautiful’ people in this industry deserve a chance.”
Dove was way ahead of the game with their Campaign for Real Beauty (launched in 2004). But last I heard, Dove doesn’t drive home magazine sales. Sexy things do. And naked sexy things will sell even more magazines.
And suddenly, we embraced the body — naked (or nearly so) and often un-airbrushed — while we also further embraced the plus-sized.
Glamour ran a spread of naked-and-not-insanely-thin models in November. You might remember that infamous picture of plus-sized model Lizzie Miller with tummy flab? (No! Not tummy flab!)
A couple months before that, model Natalia Vodianova bared all on the cover of British Vogue’s June 2009 Body Issue, an issue that vowed to look at how women — yes, even women thinner and more famous than you — felt about their bodies and how they, too, obsessively watch their weight and wished their butts were perkier. (But wait, if even the “perfect” feel insecure, is there hope left for the rest of us?)
And the trend continues on into 2010:
• Naked and un-airbrushed Jennifer Hawkins will grace the cover of the Australian Marie Claire in February.
• V magazine has dedicated its whole January issue, out on the 14th, to plus-sized models in all states of dress and undress.
If all bodies are beautiful, shouldn’t we focus equally on the thin and not so thin? The short and tall? The curvy and boxy? Despite the valiant efforts, we can’t assume that occasionally swapping out rail-thin models for those with some meat on their bones will, on its own, make 2010 the year the fashion, beauty and advertising industries suddenly changed their minds.
These women — underweight or slightly overweight — are still models. The images we digest are the results of teams of makeup artists, hairstylists, wardrobe assistants, lighting specialists and creative photographers that none of us “real” people have at our disposal.
Fashion spreads, despite the model and her size, are still perpetuating parts of a beauty myth — the glowing, perfect skin, the undimpled thighs — and the message that you are not good enough the way you are. (And that products have all the answers!)
Designers’ samples are still size 4 … or smaller. Runway models are still hired as emaciated hangers that catch your eye and on which designers can hang their art.
Shedding light on the fact that different body types exist — sure, it’s a step in the right direction. But for maximum impact, to make the change that communicates my body and my self are awesome just the way they are, we have to be able to prove that a different message and image will make the industries more money than what they’re making now.
What sells the most — whether it’s putting women down or lifting women up — will eventually win in the end.
–Anna Hennings
January 8th, 2010
Nancy Meyers
As one of the few successful female writers, directors, and producers in Hollywood, Nancy Meyers has been making movies for over 30 years. Her movies include many romantic comedies featuring middle-aged couples, such as Father of the Bride, Something’s Gotta Give, and the recent release, It’s Complicated.
I’d always just thought of these movies as fun holiday diversions, but a recent piece in the New York Times by Daphne Merkin, called “Can Anybody Make a Movie for Women?”, made me think perhaps more was at stake.
Merkin argues:
“[Meyers] rushed in where angels fear to tread to rescue the middle-aged and manless woman from her lonely plight. She has taken this sorry creature, who is bombarded with reminders of her vanished youthfulness everywhere she turns, and placed her in an alternate universe, where she is…desirable just the way she is.”
Even though I know how much women are pressured to look and act youthful, I was disheartened to read this belief. Merkin seems to think there’s an age between 30 and 40 where women reach their best before dates and instantly become saggy, wrinkly, undesirable hags.
If that idea is out there, then Meyers’ movies might play a more important role than I thought. Her movies tell older women it’s okay to be happy and competent, while also subtly telling younger women not to worry so much, because love can happen later.
- Nancy Meyers at work
In It’s Complicated, Meryl Streep plays Jane, a divorced mother of three who runs a bakery in Santa Barbara. One drunken night, she begins an affair with her ex-husband, Jake (Alec Baldwin), who is remarried to a much younger woman. Meanwhile, Jane is also pursued by her architect (Steve Martin).
During the movie, I noticed Jane’s relative security. While she worries about a sagging eyelid, you get the impression that she’s been getting along fine with her work, girlfriends, and kids.
Seeing her happy despite her single status, we get a different message from the traditional one that older women without men are pitiful “spinsters”. Instead, we see an example of how older women don’t need to rely on having men to be happy.
There were things that irked me, though, like how Jane and her friends demonize Jake’s wife and other younger women for “stealing” their men, and I didn’t notice a single important non-white character. Also, the characters’ happiness seemed partly due to their immense wealth.
But at the end of the day, as someone who’s feeling societal pressure to settle down and have kids at age 24, I felt like the movie gave me some license to relax and live my own life without worrying about hitting an arbitrary age where I will be doomed to live a lonely, miserable, single life. As far as fantasies go, I can definitely buy into one where I get to be myself and pursue my career goals, and when I’m pushing 60 maybe have a fling with a paunchy yet charming lawyer.
Do you think the focus on middle-aged women in movies like It’s Complicated is refreshing, or do you think these movies still tell women they’re incomplete without men? What do you think young women take home from watching these movies? Do you think the fact that the characters are usually really rich increases the pressure on women for financial and career success as well as romantic success?
–Jarrah
January 7th, 2010
Do you know what's in the products you use?
Are the beauty products you use hazardous to your health? The answer is, most likely, “yes”.
When it comes to personal care products in the United States, the FDA does little to protect consumers from harmful chemicals. But we can protect ourselves by researching the products that we purchase and use.
Here are some alarming facts from the Environmental Working Group’s study of toxicity in personal care products:
More than one-third of all personal care products have at least one ingredient connected to cancer;
57 percent of all products include “penetration enhancer” chemicals that can push other ingredients faster and deeper into the skin and into the blood flow; and
79 percent of all products contain ingredients that may have harmful impurities like known human carcinogens, according to FDA or industry reviews. Impurities are legal and unrestricted for the personal care product industry.
Skin Deep is an online database where you easily get an idea of how hazardous the products you use may be by performing a simple search. This database can also be used to find products with lower toxicity.
I looked up each of the personal care products that I use regularly, and was surprised to learn that my shampoo received a 9 (out of ten) rating on the hazard scale! I also learned the following about the substance I’ve been regularly massaging into my scalp:
Luckily, Skin Deep, as well as other websites like Best in Beauty, can help us find safer personal care products to switch to.
I’m glad that resources like these exist, but the fact that cosmetics consumers have so little protection is ridiculous. Why has the government cracked down on lead in paint, but not in lead in lipstick? Why do companies have to prove that chemicals are safe before being sold in Europe, while in the U.S., the responsibility falls on the consumers to prove that chemicals are unsafe before they have a chance of being pulled from the shelves?
Your beauty products go more than skin deep.
If you want to make cosmetics safer for consumers, or simply learn more information on this issue, check out The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics. A summary of important info can be found in Unmasked: The 10 Ugly Truths Behind the Myth of Cosmetic Safety [PDF]. Here are some shocking facts from Unmasked:
INGREDIENTS BANNED FROM COSMETICS
United States: 10
European Union: 1,100+
Ingredients in personal care products in the U.S.: 10,500
Portion of chemical ingredients in cosmetics that have been assessed for health and safety by the industry’s self-policing safety panel: 11%
The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics also produced a short video, which introduces some of their concerns.
What do you think about cosmetics safety? Will you change the way you choose and use personal care products in the future? Join the conversation by posting a comment. Feel free to share links to other helpful resources, and if you find these resources helpful, please share them with everyone you know!
–Sabrina
January 4th, 2010
I stumbled across this poster in a natural foods co-op in Santa Cruz–the kind of place where subversive media can be found in abundance. The poster features an image of Medusa, and the text on the poster delivers important messages regarding beauty:
Beauty must be defined as what we are, or else the concept itself is our enemy.
To see beauty is simply to learn the private language of meaning which is another’s life–to recognize and relish what is.
Why languish in the shadow of a standard we cannot personify, an ideal we cannot live?
CrimethInc.'s Beauty Subversion Poster
This poster was produced by the CrimethInc. Ex. Workers’ Collective, which describes itself as “a decentralized anarchist collective composed of many cells which act independently in pursuit of a freer and more joyous world”.
What do you think about these ideas on beauty? How are they similar or different from the ideas you are exposed to in your day-to-day life?
If you like these messages, you can download a free pdf of the poster, or purchase a set of them on the CrimethInc. website.
–Sabrina
December 24th, 2009
