Posts filed under 'everyday experiences'
Since a fairly young age, I’ve traveled all over San Francisco by myself. And I’ve been lucky enough to be aware of what I should expect from being a girl who consistently uses public transportation. Not everyone will treat you respectfully, and when you’re stuck in an uncomfortable situation, the first thing to do is to simply walk away. I’m now 18 years old, and being harassed on the street has become so common for me that I choose to ignore the catcalling and quickly continue on to my next destination. But recently, I was waiting for the bus and a man chose to expose himself to me. Again, I decided to walk away. At that moment, I’ve never felt more violated or outraged toward a complete stranger. It baffles me that there are people in this world who think that it’s okay to treat someone as a sexual object. When my thoughts cross this topic, a question continues to come to mind: Why should we expect this to happen? How have we become to accustomed to this mistreatment?
Starting with that unfortunate experience, I decided to do a little experiment. I asked 10 close girl friends of mine how often they are sexually harassed, and they all replied with the same answer; multiple times every day. Some of them only experience the typical catcalls, while others have been touched inappropriately or have also had men expose themselves in public areas. From catcalling to groping to indecent exposure, women of all ages are forced to endure these forms of harassment. I find it truly disgusting that this happens so often. I feel myself grow outraged whenever a man chooses to say something sexual toward me or another female, and my first reaction is to tell them how sick and immature they are. But I know in the back of my mind that my feelings would remain unacknowledged and they would most likely mock me for speaking up. It’s a lose-lose situation. If we ignore them, they’ll continue to say inappropriate things until we’re completely out of sight. If we speak up for ourselves, it turns into an argument that we probably won’t resolve.
Sexual harassment doesn’t only occur within metropolitan areas: this is a global issue. In the February 11th New York Times, I read an article addressing the issue of sexual harassment in Mexico City. It has become so common for a woman to be forced to deal with harassment there that the government has decided to have single-sex buses for women. While I think it’s about time action was taken to solve this issue, it’s depressing to think that harassment is such a common occurrence in everyday life. These women rarely report to authorities when they are sexually harassed—they simply deal with it. This past year, only seven women made official complaints of harassment on Mexico City’s buses. Since in San Francisco women experience it multiple times daily, I can’t even imagine how high the rate is in Mexico City.
Why does this happen? Media has such a strong influence on women’s images. From Abercrombie & Fitch ads and Sports Illustrated covers to Calvin Klein billboards, the media has enforced the general image of women to be almost always sexual. It has become way too common to see a woman in an ad exposing herself in a sexual way. No woman should have to feel uncomfortable for simply being a woman. It’s frustrating to know that even if we show the slightest amount of skin, we will be recognized for it in a degrading way. It’s not like we choose to wear outfits that reveal our skin because we like that kind attention or are trying to benefit the male population: We do it mostly for ourselves. Maybe we like how we feel in those clothes, perhaps it helps us feel trendy and comfortable. I want to know that on a hot day, I can wear shorts and be confident that I won’t be harassed. Until that day comes, I’ll have to continue with the simple method of walking away.
Holly Crimmins is eighteen years old and a senior in high school in San Francisco. She is a new intern for About-Face and is greatly anticipating graduating from high school and attending college next fall.
February 28th, 2008
This is my diabetes kit. Dealing with the blood-sugar testing, hypoglycemic episodes, insulin-pump management and/or insulin injections is no party. But the consequences of NOT dealing with them are severe.
A couple years ago, I got a dreadful sinus infection, found myself trotting to the bathroom several times an hour, and dropped about 15 pounds in six weeks. I had developed Type 1 diabetes (a.k.a. insulin-dependent or juvenile diabetes). It felt weird to tell friends about my new disease. But the conversations kept bumping to an awkward halt, right around the time the other person said—and I am not making this up—”You lost 15 pounds? God, you’re lucky.” After I’d just explained that I have a chronic disease.
Not long after that, my sister called me and asked, “It’s really bad if you don’t take your insulin, right?” I launched into an explanation of the disastrous things that can result if a Type 1 diabetic doesn’t take insulin. She had a new friend, a woman in her 30s, who was diabetic and systematically did not treat it. The friend was obsessed with being skinny, my sister told me. It was the first time I even contemplated deliberately abusing this disease in the pursuit of the waifish figure I’d recently acquired.
Evidently there’s a name being (informally) used to describe the practice: diabulimia.
I have often said that I can’t imagine what it would be like to have this disease as a teenager. The urge to treat it like a new variety of eating disorder would be so tempting, especially in light of the compromised self-confidence that can be a side effect of a chronic disease.
But stop and think about the reason an insulin-dependent diabetic loses weight if she doesn’t take her insulin: The body doesn’t have a way to convert sugar into energy, so the body instead devours muscle and fat, in the process drastically weakening itself and kicking a large amount of toxins called ketones into the bloodstream. Meanwhile, the sugar that’s left adrift in the bloodstream is merrily wreaking havoc on as many organs and systems as it can.
The side effects of uncontrolled diabetes—aside from ketoacidosis, slow starvation, coma, and death—include nerve damage, kidney failure, heart disease, and blindness. As a woman, it’s dangerous to conceive a baby if you have high blood sugar because the fetus can develop severe birth defects; the rate of miscarriage is also higher than in the general population.
Being thin could never be worth any of that. I’ve said that in some ways I feel lucky to have Type 1 diabetes, because an enormous component of the treatment is simply leading a healthy lifestyle: eating mindfully, staying active, being aware of what’s going on with my body and asking questions when I have them. I realize that those people who said I was lucky to have a disease whose side effect was uncontrolled weight loss were just toeing the party line of our expectations of our bodies. Shouldn’t the main expectation be health?
-A.A.
Alison Aves is a professional writer, editor, and diabetes handler living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She can be contacted at alavessf@gmail.com.
June 28th, 2007
Last week I saw something that horrified me . . . vicariously, that is. The Today Show held a swimsuit fashion show on its April 26th episode, complete with a runway, cute bikinis, and beautiful models. That’s not the scary part. What sent panic through my bones was that these “models” were not part of the exclusive club of long and lean ladies that grace the pages of Vogue and Elle magazines. These models were “regular” women like you and me.
Two weeks earlier, Malia Mills, owner of a designer swimsuit boutique by the same name based in New York City, hand-picked women from the audience outside The Today Show studios who were there to watch the show’s live taping.
Can you imagine that? One day you’re minding your own business, anonymously crammed into a crowd of a hundred or so strangers, and the next thing you know, you are donning a swimsuit on your size 12 frame in front of millions of people across the country! These women went from civilians to swimsuit models in two weeks! That means that as far as getting “swimsuit-ready,” there was barely enough time for a decent bikini wax. A personal trainer, crash diets, or even colonics couldn’t even make a noticeable difference in two weeks. That is what makes this jump into the public eye so impressive to me. These ladies were confident enough to boldly strut their beautiful, true selves. They looked fantastic!
I watched them on the TV incredulously. Could I be that brave?
Malia Mills’ motto is “Love Thy Differences” and that is what she does. She designs suits that are meant to flatter all figures. She achieves this by emphasizing the beauty of every body type, whether curvaceous or slim, size 2 or 16, tall or short. Mills’ approach is not to use industrial-strength Lycra that pinches so hard at the waist that breathing — let alone swimming — becomes a challenging feat; She allows customers to mix and match tops and bottoms that complement each part of the body. She doesn’t try to hide anything or force us to pretend we are something that we are not.
Now that swimsuit season is upon us, I am going to remember these models when I am in the department-store dressing room. Instead of fretting about what I could have done to make my body swimsuit-ready, I will patiently look for a suit that was designed to fit my body. I know that the right suit is out there.
If you want to check out these brave and beautiful women and these great swimsuits, you can visit the Malia Mills website.
–J.K.
Jennifer Kinzelberg is a freelance public relations consultant who works with non-profit organizations. She is proud to be associated with organizations like About-Face that are dedicated to helping young people realize their true potential through knowledge and positive self-esteem.
May 4th, 2007
So if you’ve read my Gym blog #1 and Gym blog #2 you can see by now that I’m very serious about eating disorders. I had anorexia nervosa for 10 years and have now been recovered for 10 years. I have never felt stronger. I have been doing public health work in this area for the community for the past 12 years. I also work for Kaiser Permanente as a Regional Health Coordinator, working in areas such as women’s health, perinatal health, domestic violence, and multiculturalism. Right now I am studying to get my Ph.D. in clinical psychology so that I can continue my work in the eating disorders field.
This issue was a big one here on our new blog, so I thought I’d give some tips. Here’s how to help a friend or loved one whom you suspect may have an eating disorder:
* Learn as much as you can about eating disorders. Read books, articles, and brochures. Gurze Books is a great publisher of books on eating disorders. “Life Without Ed” by Jenni Schaefer is a great book.
* Know the differences between facts and myths about weight, nutrition, and exercise. Knowing the facts will help you reason against any inaccurate ideas that your friend may be using as excuses to maintain her or his disordered eating patterns. The resources below can help you with this.
* Be honest. Talk openly and honestly about your concerns with the person who is struggling with eating or body image problems. Avoiding it or ignoring it won’t help!
* Be caring, but be firm. Caring about your friend does not mean being manipulated by her (or him). Your friend must be responsible for her or his actions and the consequences of those actions.
* Avoid making rules, promises, or expectations that you cannot or will not uphold. For example, “I promise not to tell anyone.” Or, “If you do this one more time, I’ll never talk to you again.”
* Compliment your friend’s wonderful personality, successes, or accomplishments. Remind your friend that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep.
* Be a good role model with regard to sensible eating, exercise, and self-acceptance.
* Tell someone. It may seem difficult to know when, if at all, to tell someone else about your concerns. Addressing body-image or eating problems in their beginning stages offers your friend the best chance for working through these issues and becoming healthy again. Don’t wait until the situation is so severe that your friend’s life is in danger. Your friend needs as much support and understanding as possible.
To learn more about eating disorders, go to http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org and http://www.something-fishy.org. Ask questions. Post a comment below, and if I can help, or know someone who can, I will be sure to respond!
– M.R.
March 12th, 2007
Back on February 4, I blogged about a dilemma one might face at the gym: What do you do when you think someone might be overexercising, at the risk of their health? And we got some very different responses. So I thought I’d just respond to them here and keep the conversation going. I hope you will chime in too!
Commenter #2, S:
The question I wanted to raise is: What if someone is in trouble and no one does anything? It wasn’t to look judge someone’s size. I can see how it could have been interpreted that way since I did mention the size of the woman. I apologize; exercise obsession can and does occur in people of all sizes. I am coming from this gym dilemma as a person who has recovered from anorexia nervosa. So believe me, I do understand.
I appreciate what RW said about exercise and body image. Unfortunately, most of us do exercise to achieve thinness. Studies show a physiological connection between eating disorders and excessive exercise and dieting. Many of us begin by dieting and exercising, but it can lead to a possible eating disorder, especially if what is driving these behaviors is unhappiness with ourselves and our physical appearance.
To see what their take is, I recently spoke to therapists who work with individuals with eating disorders and I received the following sage comments and advice: Patients with eating disorders say that no one else seems concerned about their problem, which helped them continue their denial. Denial is the hallmark feature of eating disorders. While it is true that people have the right to be as athletic as they want and have the right to make poor food/health choices, it is also true that some folks are acting out of illness.
Having our compassion, not judgment, is helpful. Eating disorders are the most lethal of all psychiatric disorders, and to ignore possible trouble due to misguided “political correctness,” or even just politeness, is tragic. Is it so terrible to merely ask, “Are you OK?”? If I see someone at the gym or McDonald’s who looks like they are going to pass out, regardless of size, I would want to approach them and ask if they are alright.
– M.R.
March 1st, 2007
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