Posts filed under 'everyday experiences'
Is it just me, or is the term “sex sells” getting as old as the phrase “surf’s up?” CNN, being the intellectual news source that it is (ha!) reported on something quite relevant. Yes, they did a short piece on bikini-clad baristas in Seattle, Washington. Apparently, these baristas are making double and triple the usual tips because they are wearing bikinis while brewing coffee instead of um…clothes. The coffee kiosk is located across from the needle landmark Seattle is best known for.
(Click the photo to watch the video on CNN’s site.)
The first thing I felt while watching this news clip was a distinct chill. The second was an extreme sense of irritation. I thought back to my family vacations as a child and wondered how I would have felt as a little girl seeing two young women in bikinis selling their, ahem “merchandise” (pun intended). How awkward would that be, especially if my parents were around? I would wonder if that is what it meant to be a woman — that in order to double my income, I would need to “flaunt it.”
And can we bring it back to the weather? What happens when it rains? Do they accessorize with Ugg boots to keep warm? Does someone make Ugg pasties for these poor girls? It all looks pretty gloomy in the video clip.
I could go on about the continued sexualization of women. I could also comment on the body types of these women. Would they receive less tips if they were 15 pounds heavier? Does the employer discrminate against applicants based on their sizes?
Instead, I am going to encourage action. If you live in Seattle and you know the coffee stand this news story is referring to, write or call them. Tell them to put clothes on their employees! Write to your local government’s tourism department and file a complaint. What is the real attraction to Seattle? And if you’re traveling to Seattle, please don’t encourage it by going to this stand, unless you’re going to take a stand.
–A.J.
July 14th, 2008
“Mommy, does plastic surgery make you look like a different person?” “No, it just makes you look more beautiful than you used to be.”
From my seat next to her, both of us facing the Starbucks storefront, I balked. Her reflection gave her away: tall, thin, with a tightly drawn face and deep-set eyes.
“Don’t you think Mommy looks better now?” she murmured to herself, pulling out a compact mirror and gently reapplying foundation to her cheeks. Her daughters, around ages three and five, were playing rambunctiously among the tables. When her younger daughter tried to take the compact, her mother screeched, “No! Don’t use it! You have a nice complexion. If you use it, it will clog your pores and give you pimples.”
Later, her older daughter asked if she could comb her mother’s hair, which went smoothly until the comb accidentally grazed the woman’s forehead. She shrieked, “Ow! You hateful thing, look what you did! Wow, it’s really deep! You scratched me! It really hurts! Look at my forehead! I’m going to give your sister a present and not you! You’re not getting ice cream tonight!” This was, of course, followed by 7.5 minutes (I kept track) of non-stop preening in the mirror and tending to her forehead, while she sent her daughter to fetch ice water for her.
Now, I am not a parent, nor do I have much of an affinity with children. However, I was stupefied by that woman’s behavior. I recognize that people tend to overhear parents in their worst moments, but it took all the lovingkindness and humility I had not to reprimand that woman (or slap her last facelift clear off!). Her children were outgoing, inquisitive, and un-self-conscious. They were still young enough to prefer their hair wild and unkempt, their clothing rumpled and comfortable. And by projecting her fears of aging and “ugliness” on her daughters, she was normalizing the world of makeup and plastic surgery to girls just learning to read.
From My Beautiful Mommy
Speaking of which, a book called My Beautiful Mommy has been getting a lot of press lately. The book, aimed at young children, recasts a musclebound plastic surgeon as the fairy godmother for a post-pregnancy mother as she gets a nose job, tummy tuck, and breast implants. The book claims to explain the desire for cosmetic surgery and ease the fears children have of their mothers going under the knife. Here’s the thing though: the kids have the right idea. While “mommy makeovers” (combo tummy tuck and breast augmentation) may be increasingly popular these days, the fact remains that surgery is surgery, elective or not. I was discussing plastic surgery with a friend who has undergone thirteen procedures to correct a cleft palate, and he silenced me during my moral waffling. “After experiencing what I have, imagining people choosing to subject themselves to it seems selfish and stupid.” I mean, I’ve only had my wisdom teeth removed, and that was enough!
I think the idea of a children’s book praising and oversimplifying plastic surgery is dangerous. If a mother chooses to alter her appearance, it should be her responsibility to explain her reasoning to her child — after all, she knows better than a book. Also, let me just say of the title: Who said my mother isn’t absolutely gorgeous exactly as she is?!
Ultimately, sitting there in Starbucks, I said nothing. I felt too young. Instead, I hoped that the girls would develop a healthy sense of rebellion, thanked my stunning mother for raising me, and went back out into the rain.
What would you have done? Would you have felt comfortable saying anything (and if so, what is appropriate to say)? And to what extent did your parents’ ideas about bodies and beauty influence you? I’m really curious to see some responses.
– A.I.
July 1st, 2008
Since a fairly young age, I’ve traveled all over San Francisco by myself. And I’ve been lucky enough to be aware of what I should expect from being a girl who consistently uses public transportation. Not everyone will treat you respectfully, and when you’re stuck in an uncomfortable situation, the first thing to do is to simply walk away. I’m now 18 years old, and being harassed on the street has become so common for me that I choose to ignore the catcalling and quickly continue on to my next destination. But recently, I was waiting for the bus and a man chose to expose himself to me. Again, I decided to walk away. At that moment, I’ve never felt more violated or outraged toward a complete stranger. It baffles me that there are people in this world who think that it’s okay to treat someone as a sexual object. When my thoughts cross this topic, a question continues to come to mind: Why should we expect this to happen? How have we become to accustomed to this mistreatment?
Starting with that unfortunate experience, I decided to do a little experiment. I asked 10 close girl friends of mine how often they are sexually harassed, and they all replied with the same answer; multiple times every day. Some of them only experience the typical catcalls, while others have been touched inappropriately or have also had men expose themselves in public areas. From catcalling to groping to indecent exposure, women of all ages are forced to endure these forms of harassment. I find it truly disgusting that this happens so often. I feel myself grow outraged whenever a man chooses to say something sexual toward me or another female, and my first reaction is to tell them how sick and immature they are. But I know in the back of my mind that my feelings would remain unacknowledged and they would most likely mock me for speaking up. It’s a lose-lose situation. If we ignore them, they’ll continue to say inappropriate things until we’re completely out of sight. If we speak up for ourselves, it turns into an argument that we probably won’t resolve.
Sexual harassment doesn’t only occur within metropolitan areas: this is a global issue. In the February 11th New York Times, I read an article addressing the issue of sexual harassment in Mexico City. It has become so common for a woman to be forced to deal with harassment there that the government has decided to have single-sex buses for women. While I think it’s about time action was taken to solve this issue, it’s depressing to think that harassment is such a common occurrence in everyday life. These women rarely report to authorities when they are sexually harassed—they simply deal with it. This past year, only seven women made official complaints of harassment on Mexico City’s buses. Since in San Francisco women experience it multiple times daily, I can’t even imagine how high the rate is in Mexico City.
Why does this happen? Media has such a strong influence on women’s images. From Abercrombie & Fitch ads and Sports Illustrated covers to Calvin Klein billboards, the media has enforced the general image of women to be almost always sexual. It has become way too common to see a woman in an ad exposing herself in a sexual way. No woman should have to feel uncomfortable for simply being a woman. It’s frustrating to know that even if we show the slightest amount of skin, we will be recognized for it in a degrading way. It’s not like we choose to wear outfits that reveal our skin because we like that kind attention or are trying to benefit the male population: We do it mostly for ourselves. Maybe we like how we feel in those clothes, perhaps it helps us feel trendy and comfortable. I want to know that on a hot day, I can wear shorts and be confident that I won’t be harassed. Until that day comes, I’ll have to continue with the simple method of walking away.
Holly Crimmins is eighteen years old and a senior in high school in San Francisco. She is a new intern for About-Face and is greatly anticipating graduating from high school and attending college next fall.
February 28th, 2008
This is my diabetes kit. Dealing with the blood-sugar testing, hypoglycemic episodes, insulin-pump management and/or insulin injections is no party. But the consequences of NOT dealing with them are severe.
A couple years ago, I got a dreadful sinus infection, found myself trotting to the bathroom several times an hour, and dropped about 15 pounds in six weeks. I had developed Type 1 diabetes (a.k.a. insulin-dependent or juvenile diabetes). It felt weird to tell friends about my new disease. But the conversations kept bumping to an awkward halt, right around the time the other person said—and I am not making this up—”You lost 15 pounds? God, you’re lucky.” After I’d just explained that I have a chronic disease.
Not long after that, my sister called me and asked, “It’s really bad if you don’t take your insulin, right?” I launched into an explanation of the disastrous things that can result if a Type 1 diabetic doesn’t take insulin. She had a new friend, a woman in her 30s, who was diabetic and systematically did not treat it. The friend was obsessed with being skinny, my sister told me. It was the first time I even contemplated deliberately abusing this disease in the pursuit of the waifish figure I’d recently acquired.
Evidently there’s a name being (informally) used to describe the practice: diabulimia.
I have often said that I can’t imagine what it would be like to have this disease as a teenager. The urge to treat it like a new variety of eating disorder would be so tempting, especially in light of the compromised self-confidence that can be a side effect of a chronic disease.
But stop and think about the reason an insulin-dependent diabetic loses weight if she doesn’t take her insulin: The body doesn’t have a way to convert sugar into energy, so the body instead devours muscle and fat, in the process drastically weakening itself and kicking a large amount of toxins called ketones into the bloodstream. Meanwhile, the sugar that’s left adrift in the bloodstream is merrily wreaking havoc on as many organs and systems as it can.
The side effects of uncontrolled diabetes—aside from ketoacidosis, slow starvation, coma, and death—include nerve damage, kidney failure, heart disease, and blindness. As a woman, it’s dangerous to conceive a baby if you have high blood sugar because the fetus can develop severe birth defects; the rate of miscarriage is also higher than in the general population.
Being thin could never be worth any of that. I’ve said that in some ways I feel lucky to have Type 1 diabetes, because an enormous component of the treatment is simply leading a healthy lifestyle: eating mindfully, staying active, being aware of what’s going on with my body and asking questions when I have them. I realize that those people who said I was lucky to have a disease whose side effect was uncontrolled weight loss were just toeing the party line of our expectations of our bodies. Shouldn’t the main expectation be health?
-A.A.
Alison Aves is a professional writer, editor, and diabetes handler living in the San Francisco Bay Area. She can be contacted at alavessf@gmail.com.
June 28th, 2007
Last week I saw something that horrified me . . . vicariously, that is. The Today Show held a swimsuit fashion show on its April 26th episode, complete with a runway, cute bikinis, and beautiful models. That’s not the scary part. What sent panic through my bones was that these “models” were not part of the exclusive club of long and lean ladies that grace the pages of Vogue and Elle magazines. These models were “regular” women like you and me.
Two weeks earlier, Malia Mills, owner of a designer swimsuit boutique by the same name based in New York City, hand-picked women from the audience outside The Today Show studios who were there to watch the show’s live taping.
Can you imagine that? One day you’re minding your own business, anonymously crammed into a crowd of a hundred or so strangers, and the next thing you know, you are donning a swimsuit on your size 12 frame in front of millions of people across the country! These women went from civilians to swimsuit models in two weeks! That means that as far as getting “swimsuit-ready,” there was barely enough time for a decent bikini wax. A personal trainer, crash diets, or even colonics couldn’t even make a noticeable difference in two weeks. That is what makes this jump into the public eye so impressive to me. These ladies were confident enough to boldly strut their beautiful, true selves. They looked fantastic!
I watched them on the TV incredulously. Could I be that brave?
Malia Mills’ motto is “Love Thy Differences” and that is what she does. She designs suits that are meant to flatter all figures. She achieves this by emphasizing the beauty of every body type, whether curvaceous or slim, size 2 or 16, tall or short. Mills’ approach is not to use industrial-strength Lycra that pinches so hard at the waist that breathing — let alone swimming — becomes a challenging feat; She allows customers to mix and match tops and bottoms that complement each part of the body. She doesn’t try to hide anything or force us to pretend we are something that we are not.
Now that swimsuit season is upon us, I am going to remember these models when I am in the department-store dressing room. Instead of fretting about what I could have done to make my body swimsuit-ready, I will patiently look for a suit that was designed to fit my body. I know that the right suit is out there.
If you want to check out these brave and beautiful women and these great swimsuits, you can visit the Malia Mills website.
–J.K.
Jennifer Kinzelberg is a freelance public relations consultant who works with non-profit organizations. She is proud to be associated with organizations like About-Face that are dedicated to helping young people realize their true potential through knowledge and positive self-esteem.
May 4th, 2007
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